Monday, 9 May 2016

“Couples Should Have Quality SEX To Ease Stress”- Lagos Marriage Counsellor

Nkem Okoro is the founder and chief coordinator of "The Wife", an organisation of married women with the aim of building excellent homes to transform the society.

Dr Mrs Nkem Okoro who is happily married to Pastor Sam Okoro,a Pastor at Pastor Wale Adefarasin's Guiding Light Assembly,Parkview,Lagos, is a teacher who has risen to the Directorate Cadre in the Federal ministry of education.

Her unsolicited selfless service to humanity has made her a woman of substance in the society.Her very popular book, Enriching Marital Sex which was reviewed by Vice President, Prof Yemi Osinbajo,some years back,has become a hot favourite among wives all around the world.

In this interview with Qismat Yinus, Dr Nkem Okoro tells us why sex is very vital in marriage,and
many more ingredients to a successful marriage.

What exactly is "The Wife" all about?
As the name implies,it is a ministry to married women. We are there to ensure that we all fulfill our special duties as wives and mothers,in taking care of our husbands properly as the heads of the family and our children because God blessed us with them as gifts.It is our duty to bring these children up in the right way.And that was why I wrote the book "Grooming The Next Generation" which is a handbook to guide mothers on how to raise and nurture their children,so that the next generation will be better than ours.
We also use "The Wife" as an avenue to take care of ourselves as wives so that we will live to enjoy the fruits of our labor. We noticed that If mothers are okay and well taken care of we won't have orphans around. We also take care of burning issues in the society an example of which is global warming. We noticed that the family has a lot of power to mitigate against the effects of global warming. So we have trained mothers on global warming so that they will understand what it is all about.
We are a group that empowers and train women. We have also trained on Landscaping,and how women should take care of their environment. Then currently we are training them on how mothers can be effective counselors,because we believe in prevention is better than cure.So rather than to wait for problems to become full blown,like cultism, prostitution drug abuse and the likes,the mothers will be able to counsel their children about all these.
We also train wives to have sizzling marital sex with their husbands.
What inspired your establishment of "The Wife?
I am a wife,and that is the most inspiring aspect. I've also gone through some of these challenges,and while interviewing a lot of women I noticed that  it is fairly universal,and I felt that "The Wife" would be able to tackle all these.I'm passionate about anything that has to do with marriage and family. God asked me to go and affect the lives of women,so it is like a call.
So have you been able to achieve your goals as the founder and coordinator of "The Wife"?
We have achieved so much,that "The Wife" is now a household name,most especially because of the three books which I have written. 'See What The Lord Has Done" was the first one where I wrote about the challenges I faced as a wife,and mother,the second one was "Enriching Marital Sex" which teaches couples to enjoy pleasurable sex,and this reduces the chances of being tempted to have sex outside marriage. Then the third one is "Grooming The Next Generation" which covers anything that has to do with effective parenting and mentoring.
How would you describe your marriage?
My marriage is like heaven on earth,even people can testify to this fact. I'm married to my heartthrob,and all these trainings  and research works that I've done so far have helped me to put to practice what I train other people to do. So I'm also a beneficiary of "The Wife" through it's trainings.

What is the key to a successful marriage?

The key to a successful marriage is you.As you make you bed so you will lay on it. Whatever you want in your marriage,give it to your spouse.Do you want love,give it to your spouse. Do to others what you'll want from them.
So who is an ideal wife?
A wife is supposed to take care of a household,and this starts from the husband. You must know that the head must be respected as the head. The husband is positional head. God is the one that made the husband the head. You should also be a companion to you husband. You should work as a team,not to be in competition as to who will outdo the other. Also satisfy your husband sexually. And sex has a lot of benefits. It reduces stress. When you have quality sex,there are chemicals that God has made you to release like oxytocin,and this helps your health.Sex also brings about intimacy and strengthens the marriage.You should also take proper care of your children who will grow to contribute positively to the society. You should also take care of yourself.You should always be attractive.
Are you working on any project at the moment?
We train mothers to be counselors. We train them about the techniques,characteristics of counselors and a lot more. We do this at Viginis events center in Yaba,Lagos,every second Tuesday of every month.
Tell us about your family and educational background?
I am from a noble family,and I had a fairly exciting childhood. My father was a police officer,and my mother was into catering services. I'm from a family of seven,and we are all graduates. I am the fifth child. We have architects,government officials,medical professionals and and an engineer in the family. I had my first degree at the university of Lagos where I studied Biological Sciences Education and came out with a second class upper division,then I went back for my Masters in Educational Administration,and I have been doing a lot of research work as a trainer at "The Wife" and this afforded me a PhD(Hon. D.H.L) from European American University, Commonwealth of Dominica in 2009.

Your book "enriching marital sex" has become very popular home and abroad,how do you feel about this?

That's what I really wanted.When I first published it,some people felt that I should not write on such a topic,but because I'm a counselor,I noticed that  sexual problems is always uppermost in  conflicts between married couples. Sometimes these couples don't even know. This was what informed my writing of the book. People call me to thank me for the book. One man actually told me that if he had this book 15 years ago,his family would still be together.

For those who haven't read your book on sex in marriage,can you tell us why sex is very vital in marriage?

Apart from the procreation function,God made sex in humans different from sex in animals. Sex in humans is meant to be enjoyed. It's meat to be pleasurable. In animals it is just for procreation. Sex is very important in marriage. It enhances intimacy and love.Sex is also an antidote to stress. When you have quality sex,where you hit the highest level or peak,it relaxes you. To tell people the honest truth,after good sex,you don't see couples quarreling. They become calm. Sex also solves the problem of sleeplessness. It puts people to sleep,ten times more than valium five. Why should you be looking for sleeping pills,when God has given you natural means of relaxation.Sex is also linked to good health. There are some chemicals that are released when couples attain orgasm. Those chemicals like endomorphins, oxytocin,and the rest of them contribute to good health. Sex also prevents prostate cancer in men. Men who have sex averagely three times a week,have about 33% reduction in the risk of having prostate cancer. Sex also helps to elongate life span of human beings. But all these are for married couples because sex was designed for married couples.

Is it true that your book "Enriching Marital Sex" was reviewed by Vice President,Prof Yemi Osinbajo?

Yes. He reviewed it some years back,and I remember his comments.  He said "let me begin by saying that when I was told that I was going to review a book on sex I was thoroughly embarrassed". He did it when he was Attorney General of Lagos State. He reviewed the book wonderfully well.

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