Nkem Okoro is
the founder and chief coordinator of "The Wife", an organisation of
married women with the aim of building excellent homes to transform the
society.
Dr Mrs Nkem
Okoro who is happily married to Pastor Sam Okoro,a Pastor at Pastor Wale
Adefarasin's Guiding Light Assembly,Parkview,Lagos, is a teacher who has risen
to the Directorate Cadre in the Federal ministry of education.
Her unsolicited
selfless service to humanity has made her a woman of substance in the
society.Her very popular book, Enriching Marital Sex which was reviewed by Vice
President, Prof Yemi Osinbajo,some years back,has become a hot favourite among
wives all around the world.
In this
interview with Qismat Yinus, Dr Nkem Okoro tells us why sex is very vital in
marriage,and
many more ingredients to a successful marriage.
What exactly is "The Wife" all
about?
As the name
implies,it is a ministry to married women. We are there to ensure that we all
fulfill our special duties as wives and mothers,in taking care of our husbands
properly as the heads of the family and our children because God blessed us
with them as gifts.It is our duty to bring these children up in the right
way.And that was why I wrote the book "Grooming The Next Generation"
which is a handbook to guide mothers on how to raise and nurture their
children,so that the next generation will be better than ours.
We also use
"The Wife" as an avenue to take care of ourselves as wives so that we
will live to enjoy the fruits of our labor. We noticed that If mothers are okay
and well taken care of we won't have orphans around. We also take care of
burning issues in the society an example of which is global warming. We noticed
that the family has a lot of power to mitigate against the effects of global
warming. So we have trained mothers on global warming so that they will
understand what it is all about.
We are a group
that empowers and train women. We have also trained on Landscaping,and how
women should take care of their environment. Then currently we are training
them on how mothers can be effective counselors,because we believe in
prevention is better than cure.So rather than to wait for problems to become
full blown,like cultism, prostitution drug abuse and the likes,the mothers will
be able to counsel their children about all these.
We also train wives to have sizzling marital
sex with their husbands.
What inspired your establishment of "The
Wife?
I am a wife,and that is the most inspiring
aspect. I've also gone through some of these challenges,and while interviewing
a lot of women I noticed that it is fairly universal,and I felt that
"The Wife" would be able to tackle all these.I'm passionate about anything
that has to do with marriage and family. God asked me to go and affect the
lives of women,so it is like a call.
So have you been able to achieve your goals
as the founder and coordinator of "The Wife"?
We have achieved so much,that "The
Wife" is now a household name,most especially because of the three books
which I have written. 'See What The Lord Has Done" was the first one where
I wrote about the challenges I faced as a wife,and mother,the second one was
"Enriching Marital Sex" which teaches couples to enjoy pleasurable
sex,and this reduces the chances of being tempted to have sex outside marriage.
Then the third one is "Grooming The Next Generation" which covers
anything that has to do with effective parenting and mentoring.
How would you describe your marriage?
My marriage is like heaven on earth,even
people can testify to this fact. I'm married to my heartthrob,and all these
trainings and research works that I've done so far have helped me to put
to practice what I train other people to do. So I'm also a beneficiary of
"The Wife" through it's trainings.
What is the key
to a successful marriage?
The key to a successful marriage is you.As
you make you bed so you will lay on it. Whatever you want in your marriage,give
it to your spouse.Do you want love,give it to your spouse. Do to others what
you'll want from them.
So who is an ideal wife?
A wife is supposed to take care of a
household,and this starts from the husband. You must know that the head must be
respected as the head. The husband is positional head. God is the one that made
the husband the head. You should also be a companion to you husband. You should
work as a team,not to be in competition as to who will outdo the other. Also
satisfy your husband sexually. And sex has a lot of benefits. It reduces
stress. When you have quality sex,there are chemicals that God has made you to
release like oxytocin,and this helps your health.Sex also brings about intimacy
and strengthens the marriage.You should also take proper care of your children
who will grow to contribute positively to the society. You should also take
care of yourself.You should always be attractive.
Are you working on any project at the moment?
We train mothers to be counselors. We train
them about the techniques,characteristics of counselors and a lot more. We do
this at Viginis events center in Yaba,Lagos,every second Tuesday of
every month.
Tell us about your family and educational
background?
I am from
a noble family,and I had a fairly exciting childhood. My father was a police
officer,and my mother was into catering services. I'm from a family of
seven,and we are all graduates. I am the fifth child. We have
architects,government officials,medical professionals and and an engineer in
the family. I had my first degree at the university of Lagos where I studied
Biological Sciences Education and came out with a second class upper
division,then I went back for my Masters in Educational Administration,and I
have been doing a lot of research work as a trainer at "The Wife" and
this afforded me a PhD(Hon. D.H.L) from European American University,
Commonwealth of Dominica in 2009.
Your book
"enriching marital sex" has become very popular home and abroad,how
do you feel about this?
That's what I
really wanted.When I first published it,some people felt that I should not
write on such a topic,but because I'm a counselor,I noticed that
sexual problems is always uppermost in conflicts between married
couples. Sometimes these couples don't even know. This was what informed my
writing of the book. People call me to thank me for the book. One man actually
told me that if he had this book 15 years ago,his family would still be
together.
For those who
haven't read your book on sex in marriage,can you tell us why sex is very vital
in marriage?
Apart from the
procreation function,God made sex in humans different from sex in
animals. Sex in humans is meant to be enjoyed. It's meat to be pleasurable. In
animals it is just for procreation. Sex is very important in marriage. It
enhances intimacy and love.Sex is also an antidote to stress. When you have
quality sex,where you hit the highest level or peak,it relaxes you. To tell
people the honest truth,after good sex,you don't see couples quarreling. They
become calm. Sex also solves the problem of sleeplessness. It puts people to
sleep,ten times more than valium five. Why should you be looking for sleeping
pills,when God has given you natural means of relaxation.Sex is also linked to
good health. There are some chemicals that
are released when couples attain orgasm. Those chemicals like
endomorphins, oxytocin,and the rest of them contribute to good health. Sex also
prevents prostate cancer in men. Men who have sex averagely
three times a week,have about 33% reduction in the risk of having prostate
cancer. Sex also helps to elongate life span of human beings. But all these are
for married couples because sex was designed for married couples.
Is it true that
your book "Enriching Marital Sex" was reviewed by Vice President,Prof
Yemi Osinbajo?
Yes. He
reviewed it some years back,and I remember his comments. He said
"let me begin by saying that when I was told that I was going to review a
book on sex I was thoroughly embarrassed". He did it when he was Attorney
General of Lagos State. He reviewed the book wonderfully well.
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