Saturday, 20 December 2014

I Feel Sorry For Goodluck Jonathan- Etcetera

I think I am the most criticised President in the whole world, but I want to tell this audience that before I leave, I will be the most praised President,” said President Goodluck Jonathan at the opening of the 52nd Annual General Meeting of the Nigerian Bar Association at the International Conference Centre in Abuja. 

Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers is not my style, hahaha, just as I know that it will be difficult to find a single Nigerian who hasn’t pointed fingers at President Goodluck Jonathan since he became President. But really, can so many fingers be pointed at a single individual all at the same time? Some people have gone to the extent of saying that since Jonathan took office, everything has gone to hell in a handbasket.
Others have held him responsible for everything that has gone wrong in the country, from the tear in their pants to the economy. Trust me: Nigerians are beginning to agree that when it comes to assigning blame, look to Jonathan first. There are some hardliners who don’t care if Jonathan wasn’t President during the civil war. He must have been thinking about it, and that’s good enough reason for them. They even say that if he hadn’t been sticking his nose into government, the civil war wouldn’t have happened. Funny, Nigerians have found the perfect target for dealing with their bad days. Late to work? Blame Jonathan! Did the soup in the fridge melt when you weren’t looking? It’s Goodluck Jonathan. Can’t find your smelling socks? Jonathan! Your baby pees on the chair, again? Jonathan. The possibilities are endless! Hey, are we not just being unfair to Goodluck Jonathan? We blame him for all and everything. Even for things that are not his fault. Let me ask you something sir or madam, if Jonathan is to blame for everything wrong in Nigeria today, what becomes of the previous presidents under whose regimes most of these problems started?

On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA, I stopped at the Bar Beach to buy suya. I was a little bit early because I met the aboki lighting his charcoal. As I waited, I saw two weird looking rastas looking like archangels Michael and Gabriel in their white Cele garments walk down to just about five yards from the water, raised their holy robes in unison like atilogwu dancers trying to master a new dance routine and bent down and began to defecate. Couples of minutes later, I heard them walking back complaining of how dirty and smelly the beach had become from what it used to be. As they passed by me, the taller one said “omo naija, presido no dey try at all. See as this place don yamayama finish, dem no dey see as those oyinbo beach be for inside film wey we dey watch?” At that point, I couldn’t hold back my anger. I just had to say something: “Shebi na una just shit finish for that place so? And una get mouth dey blame the president. Una see him shit for there?”

We are having a distant relationship with the truth in this country. We have developed that rare ability to be hypocritical and not so much as give a damn whether we are equally guilty of the things we are blaming on others. In truth, Goodluck Jonathan should roll up his sleeves, spit on his palms and get to work on a lot of things. We keep saying that corruption escalated under his regime but why do we keep failing to associate it with the fact that these corrupt individuals are Nigerians? I listened to some custom officers saying that If it wasn’t for Goodluck Jonathan’s backward policies, everything at the Nigerian borders would be perfect. Yes, let us keep dumping everything on Goodluck Jonathan. Even our own responsibilities as citizens. He’s the reason our custom and police officers are more interested in collecting bribes than fighting crime and checking for contraband goods coming into the country. It is also Jonathan’s fault that the security operatives at the Lagos airport have all turned beggars. Should the president also take the rap for the Director-General of the Standards Organisation of Nigeria not being able to see that the nation is littered with fake products? Maybe Goodluck Jonathan should be with him daily and point him towards fake products and manufacturers. The fight to save this country does not begin or stop at Janathan’s table. It must be an all Nigerian battle. Let the pastors stop praying for corrupt politicians and tell them to their faces to stop stealing public funds. If all drivers have their complete vehicle papers and obey traffic laws, there will be no need to give out money to the police and we will be on our way to a better society.

Ask yourself where your governor got the billions he spends on frivolities? People in the rural areas of Akwa Ibom state are living in thatched houses and we are building another stadium? Have you tried asking what the Abia State Government did with the state’s allocation for eight years? Do you think President Jonathan will be allowed a minute of sleep if he failed to remit monies due to the states? So why then do we pour all the blames on him? Your governor owns empty estates in Dubai and factories in South Africa when people of their states are homeless and jobless, is that Jonathan’s fault too? Where did we get the preposterous notion that President Jonathan took office and people started having trouble finding jobs? Did we have a zero unemployment rate in the country before President Jonathan? Millions of Nigerians are working their asses out and dying as contract staffs and casual workers, where is the NLC? Is it not aware of the appalling working conditions Nigerian workers are subjected to by multinationals? Of course, it is all Jonathan’s fault. Last time I checked, Jonathan was a president or a magician. Should he be doing the job of the NLC too, supervising every sector of the country at the same time? Let us be truthful to ourselves, since when have we had good roads in this country?

Were there roads in the country that Jonathan destroyed? Have we had electricity in the country before President Jonathan? We say Boko Haram started as a result of poverty and lack of education in the North, were there schools in the North that Jonathan destroyed? Trust me, the architects of Boko Haram know what they’re talking about when they say it is all Jonathan’s fault.

For everyone out there, below are a list of things Goodluck Jonathan is yet to be blamed for, so go ahead and make your pick and let the blame game continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air pollution, sin, child porn, human meat at Jankara market, home video, obesity, Drake sleeping with everyone’s chic, Kim Kardashian’s nude picture, tribalism and every other kind of ism, Arsenal’s trophyless seasons, Facebook, Twitter and Wizkid’s last album.
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