Monday, 1 September 2014

Emmy Collins Mocks Jim Iyke, KCee,Stella Damasus,Omoni Oboli In New Article

Lol! Why evuls? Check this out

Kcee - August 2014 - BN Music - About His Style - BellaNaija.com 01


Kcee
  The internet was buzzing a few days ago and it was all because of my Ihiala bros. My bros declared that he is a fashion icon.
Now, no one has confirmed that he said that with a straight face or just tongue in cheek. Personally, I say stuff I don`t mean all the time on this platform so you guys don’t have to get your knickers in a knot yet till this is confirmed from a reliable source.Till this is confirmed, it is what it is,RUMOUR, lol.
Talking for myself, I believe in innocent till proven guilty. Haba, In my honest opinion, Kycee has been utterly misunderstood as I believe even my homeboy aka Kycee in all his nkwụocha drunkenness wouldn`t reckon himself to be the best thing that ever happened to fashion since Paul Poiret freed women from corset nah, unless he is delusional, NON?
So enough of this “Kycee ekwu o ncha” bandwagon everyone has hopped on to. Calm the heck down, folks.
On second thoughts, Kycee could have meant that he is a fashion icon in his village which couldn`t have been further from the truth even though there could be a few local okada chaps who might have to go to war with Kycee to lay claim to that title of Ihiala fashion icon.
The other theory could be that my bros` English proficiency isn`t exactly at the point it should be hence he doesn`t understand the phrase ‘fashion icon’.Asin e,bekee na apia nwanna m koboko,choi.
  Biko,rapụ nụ Kycee aka na ọna eche container ya na abata na high sea!


Jim Iyke
 Ok, now you can say whatever you like about an Igbo man but when we see an opportunity we jump on it sharp sharp. With 170m folks in Naija, make that 200m, and these numbers are very conservative, I don`t see why Jim Iyke shouldn`t be smilling to the bank.
I was shooting a show last weekend and they were surprised when I mentioned that my long held ambition has been to launch a restaurant in Nigeria that would limit the quantity of toxins in the Nigeria cuisine. Yes, we take one tiny step closer to our graves with every plate of pounded yam, amala, banga soup we eat. So my wish is to make that step the tiniest it could ever be.
Emmy`s Health Restaurant? Sounds great, right?
This is financial coup by Jim and I bow in respect!
Even the D`Banj is gonna make a killing with his Koko garri. If the closest the chap from my home town will get to seeing D`Banj is buying Koko Garri, any smart money would be on him grasping that option with both hands.
Make who dey laugh dey laugh while these chaps are smiling to the bank.

Stella Damasus - August 2014 - BN Beauty - BellaNaija.com 01

Stella Damasus

“HAIR” we go! Stella Damascus oopsy I meant Damasus.
With this sort of hair, perhaps we need to send Stella to Damascus to scatter ISIS with her hair (pun intended). How does it work that someone can wake up one day and decide to grab all the hair in the shops just to ensure none is left for other chics to use?
At some point I thought she was carrying one of those very hairy dogs on her head.
This is beyond belief! Are you guys sure this is for real?Any I`m not about to comment much on this hair till I get confirmation from an authentic source that she did actually leave her house with this “hairy dog” ,oopsy,I meant hair on her head.

 
Any resemblance with Stella's hair......


 
Omoni Oboli
   Here was the speech Omoni gave at Aso rock when her movie was premièred there. Please grab a bucket as you might wanna puke. Don`t say you haven`t been warned. My home gurl has taken ass kissing to a new low.
Ngwa,here we go! My comment is in capital and bold letters:
My name is Omoni Oboli, and I represent Naija!
Please forgive me if my protocol etiquette falls short in any way. I’m just an ordinary Waffi girl, who isn’t accustomed to being in the presence of such eminence. (HUH?)
I earnestly appreciate you all for being here this evening to preview this movie that was written, produced and directed by me.(Ok,GET ON WITH IT,NNE).
Growing up in Nigeria as a child, I couldn’t in my wildest dreams imagine that I would be standing here today before you all, because leadership was always perceived as distant from the common man, but by God’s grace do I see today a President that is so in touch with his people in his simplicity that even the seemingly trivial things that touch us as a people do not escape his notice and due attention.(ARE YOU GUYS LEARNING, ASS KISSING 101. I LOVE ME SOME OMONI).
I am happy that I am a living witness to the enormous love of Nigeria and Nigerians as demonstrated by you, our President. Thank you Sir.(NNE UCHE GI DI A 100%. STOMACH ENTERTAINMENT AT WORK.IT IS IMPORTANT TO WORK FOR THAT BROWN ENVELOPE O.I FEEL U,ỌFMỤA ỌFỤMA.I LOVE THIS ỌMỌ GỌ NI).
We, the Nollywood industry can attest to the magnanimity of your love and support. We never had it so good! You have given us a voice and the means to express our enormous talent, such that it has helped to reflect the position we now have in Africa, and indeed the rest of the world in terms of our economic standpoint as a nation. We only ask that God would continue to bless and keep you and your family, your Executive Cabinet and the entire leadership of the nation at this time in government, and to grant you the wisdom and grace to excel in all your efforts to grow this great nation and your homes.(HOW AGAIN WAS THAT ENORMOUS TALENT EXPRESSED BY NOLLYWOOD AGAIN?HOW?VIA QUAILITY OR RUBBISH MOVIES? NNE NO VES, I JUS DEY ASK O!)
It might seem, to some, insensitive to be previewing this movie at such a time as this, but I beg to differ. When our very way of life is threatened, this is the sort of thing we should do to remind ourselves that we will not give into anything that would threaten its continuance. So we brought this movie for simple reasons; to make you all laugh and relax those minds and bodies that are ever working. Remember, “All work and no play…” (YES WE ARE LAUGHING BUT AT YOU NOT WITH YOU OR AS A RESULT OF YOUR MOVIE.MINDS AND BODIES THAT ARE EVER WORKING?WOWWWWW).
GUYS I HAF TIRE TO READ THIS. “ASS KISSING TAKEN TOO FAR” SO YOU GUYS ARE ON YOUR OWN FROM HERE. ENJOY,HEHE.
We want to see the ever smiling face of our president that we had become accustomed to seeing. So that, as much as we may be apprehensive about all the issues that we are going through now, the worst thing would be to see our leader and President look worried too. We want to look to you for strength. That smile that assures us that soon, sooner than you think, the agony of insurgency and all other issues will be over, in Jesus name.
Our dear President, because you have been so good and loving to us, we, the Nollywood family, assure you of our steadfastness in loving you back. You can always count on our support as long as the constitution permits.
Oh one more thing sir, every year film makers and actors from around the world, gather here in Nigeria for the biggest film festival in the whole of Africa. The Africa International film festival parades the biggest and the brightest stars from around the globe. I would like to on behalf of my friend and sister Chioma Ude, ask that you join us this November in Tinapa Calabar to celebrate our culture and heritage.
This happens to be the first movie I directed, so be gentle with me, and put down your weapons of criticism tonight to just simply enjoy the movie.
Finally brethren, as a true Waffi girl, me I wan appeal to you Sir. When you don watch the film finish, enjoy am, laugh well well, mey you try help my ministry, as we dey move go the permanent site. Please nor forget to pay your tithes.
Thank you once again, your Excellency. Thank you all again for being here this evening.

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