Saturday, 21 December 2013

I Lost My Virginity To A Rapist— Foluke Daramola


Here's what she said in an interview with The Nation:
It was once reported that you wanted to start a talk show called ‘Fulfilling Desires’, but what is really holding you back?
Yes, you are right. That was before I went back to school for my Master’s degree. Personally, I have two passions in life: I am passionate about humanity and I will do anything to acquire knowledge. When I got admission into the University of Lagos, Akoka, I couldn’t combine it with the talk show, so I had to go for my Master’s degree. But I’m still coming back to it.
When I got admission into the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, I had the option of sticking to entertainment and continuing with acting or going to school. But I told myself that showbiz will always be there, so I went to school.
I came out and continued with my acting career. When the opportunity came for me to do my Master’s degree, it was at the time I wanted to do my talk show, so I weighed the two and went for my Masters. I have finished my programme and I’m walking on my talk show now. I’m a perfectionist, so I don’t believe I should rush anything.
So, what is Fulfilling Desires about?
It’s about womanhood, the pains women go through, what we feel and how we feel. I intend to talk about things that people just take for granted: for instance, a frigid woman in a marriage or a frigid lady that has been raped. I have been a victim of that, so I understand what it feels like.
You mean you have been a victim of rape?
Yes, my first introduction to sex was rape. I talk about it when I have to. I was deflowered by a rapist. These are things people don’t talk about.
In my first marriage, I was frigid because of my experience, aside other things. So, Fulfilling Desire is about things that are realistic, but which people just sweep under the carpet.
I know you to be an assertive person, so I can’t imagine the fact that you went into your first marriage without your thinking cap on.
You see, there is something called peer pressure. Yes, I am an assertive person, but I like to do what my friends are doing. All my friends were getting married, so I also wanted to get married.
When you were younger, you had some fantasies about your marriage without being realistic. There is a difference between wedding and marriage. A lot of people are ready for wedding and not marriage.
The first time, I went into a wedding; but this time around, I knew I was going into a marriage, so the wedding was not such any big deal to me. The first time, I was about 26 and I felt I had to be married. I went into it with both eyes closed because I had butterflies in my tummy. I was in love and everything.
I wouldn’t say it was lust, but I wasn’t prepared. I had my own faults and he had his as well, and we both learnt from it. I wouldn’t call the marriage a mistake because I have two issues there. So, I don’t have any bitterness towards my first marriage. I just see my ex as one of my brothers that we just had ideological misunderstanding and we just could not come to terms with that.
I didn’t know I could even get married again because I was resolute about some things. I don’t want to repeat what I faced there. But I guess God was just preparing the best for me.
This is because the kind of person I have now is my friend. Someone that understands that Foluke is just like that; that Foluke wants to assert herself and that she’s thorough. He is someone that just accepts me the way I am and I can’t thank God enough for that. Sometimes, you can’t appreciate a good marriage, if you haven’t been through a failed one before.
Read full interview here
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